Twelve Tips to All-Win Negotiations

From the Dale Carnegie Coach

Negotiating is the process of attempting to agree on a solution. Compromising, or settling on a mutually agreeable solution, is the result of successful negotiations. Compromise is all about being flexible. It means being able to generate alternate solutions when you've "hit the wall." Whether it involves a person you can't get along with, an idea you know will work but that others are reluctant to embrace, a change in office systems, or a turf war that needs ending, learning to negotiate and compromise is essential to your success.

1) Have a positive attitude.
Your attitude is essential to the outcome. You improve your chance of achieving a mutually rewarding solution if you approach the negotiation as an opportunity to learn and achieve an all-win outcome.

2) Meet on mutual ground.
Find a mutually agreeable and convenient physical space to meet that is comfortable for all involved. Agree on when you will meet and how much time is available to devote to the process. Whenever possible, deal with negotiations face-to-face. Be careful about negotiating over the phone or in e-mail. A lack of facial expressions, vocal intonation, and other cues can result in a negotiation breakdown.

3) Clearly define and agree on the issue.
Agree on a statement of the issue using simple and factual terms. If the situation is multifaceted, search for ways to slice the large issue into smaller pieces and deal with one issue at a time.

4) Do your homework.
Take time to plan. You must not only know what is at stake for yourself, but you need to know the other side's concerns and motivation. Take into consideration any history or past situations that might affect the negotiations. Know the must-haves (non-negotiable items) and nice-to-haves (negotiable items). Determine the best resolution, a fair and reasonable compromise, and a minimally acceptable deal.

5) Take an honest inventory of yourself.
Determine your level of trust in the other person and the process. Be conscious of aspects of your personality that can help or hinder the process.

6) Look for shared interests.
Get on the same side by finding and establishing similarities. Since conflict tends to magnify perceived differences and minimize similarities, look for common goals, objectives, or even gripes that can illustrate that you are in this together. Focus on the future, talk about what needs to be done, and tackle the problem jointly.

7) Deal with facts, not emotions.
Address problems, not personalities. Avoid any tendency to attack the other person or to pass judgment on his or her ideas and opinions. Avoid focusing on the past or blaming the other person. Maintain a rational, goal-oriented frame of mind. This will depersonalize the conflict, separate the issues from the people involved, and avoid defensiveness.

8) Be honest.
Don't play games. Be honest and clear about what is important to you and communicate why your goals, issues, and objectives are important to you.

9) Present alternatives and provide evidence.
Create options and alternatives that demonstrate willingness to compromise. Consider conceding in areas that might have high value to the other person but are not that important to you. Frame options in terms of the other person's interests and provide evidence for your point of view.

10) Be an expert communicator.
Nothing shows determination to find a mutually satisfactory resolution to conflict more than applying excellent communication skills. Ask questions, listen, rephrase what you heard to check for understanding, and take a genuine interest in the other side's concerns. Reduce tension through humor, let others vent their concerns, and acknowledge their views. Focus less on your position and more on ways in which you can move toward a resolution or compromise.

11) End on a good note.
Make an all-win proposal and check to make sure that everyone involved leaves the situation feeling they have won. Shake on it and agree on the action steps: who is responsible for each step, how success will be measured, and how and when the decision will be evaluated. Be open to accepting an impasse for noncritical issues; agree to disagree.

12) Enjoy the process.
Look at the benefits of learning other people's point of view. People report that after overcoming conflict and reaching an agreement, the relationship grew even stronger. Reflect and learn from each negotiation. Determine the criteria to evaluate the process and the solution.